How did I end up here?

Have you ever found yourself thinking, How did I end up here? In a relationship you despise, a job that drains you, or at a party surrounded by people you don’t even like. It happens with personal boundaries too—overeating, scrolling endlessly on apps, or slipping back into old, destructive habits.

You use tools, hire coaches, read books, but still—bam—you forget. And worse, sometimes you can’t even remember how you got back to square one.

For years now, I’ve been in this slow, almost excruciating process of transitioning toward what I really want to be. It’s not burnout in the traditional sense—it’s more of a daily battle to stay awake, stay conscious. And here’s the thing: when you live in that limbo long enough, you realize that all the strategies, plans, and systems you thought were essential don’t matter.

What really matters is remembering. Remembering who you are and what you value. Forgetting—and getting back up after forgetting—is the greatest challenge. Everything else? You can’t control the results. All you can do is remember not to fall for نسیان—this beautiful, terrible tendency to forget.

The Van, the Red Flags, and the Power of Forgetting

Louis CK, my favorite comedian, once shared a story that hits harder than you’d expect:

“I was walking down the street in New York, and this guy in a van rolled down the window and said, ‘Hey! Get in the van and suck my dick.’ And I said, ‘All right.’

So, I got in the van. I’m trying to pull the sliding door, but it’s stuck, and he’s like, ‘Just shut it. Everyone does that.’ I’m like, ‘Sorry.’ He says, ‘It’s okay.’

So now I’m kneeling on the floor of the van—on a purse, no less—and there’s no lady in sight. But I’m thinking, ‘I’m here to suck this guy’s dick, not take inventory.’ So, I just get to work.

And about halfway through, I remember—I don’t really like doing this.”

This story, as absurd and dark as it is, captures something real. How often do we ignore red flags and dive headfirst into situations we know are wrong? The man in the van? The stranger’s purse? All glaring warnings. But we override that little voice inside, telling ourselves it’s fine—until it’s not.

Halfway through, you remember: I don’t like this. I don’t want to be here. That’s the power—and danger—of forgetting. It’s not just willpower; it’s about awareness. Remembering before you’re too deep in the metaphorical van.

A National Forgetting

Forgetting isn’t just personal. It’s collective. It’s national. And nowhere do I feel this more deeply than in the stories of Iran and Georgia.

A Legacy of Freedom and the Fight to Remember

Iran’s foundation is love and freedom. From the time of Cyrus the Great until now, this land has been a sanctuary where diverse races and cultures lived in peace. Even as Islam became the dominant religion, the essence of Iran—a land where people were free to coexist—remained intact.

But over the past 100-200 years, something shifted. We began to forget. Forget the heritage that shaped us. Forget that love and freedom were not just ideals but the very bedrock of this nation. And in that fog of forgetting, external forces seized their chance. Are we totally responsible for forgetting? Yes. But are we sinful creatures that just forget? No, the devil with it’s people taht possess concelas and distorts teh truth. Kills words. MAkes sacred things like money, sex, body, etc. hard to speak of. 

Dark Shadow of Russia

Russia, with its long history of sneaky moves and manipulation, never became an ally but rather an insidious threat. They tried to undermine our culture, sow division, and weaken our sense of unity. The spread of ethnic jokes (جوک‌های قومیتی)—subtle but powerful tools of division, taht i am so happy is not working anymore, thanks to our deep beautiful culture of unity between all the pasrt of iran-despite of huge funings outside and inside of IRan to make it die, but they can’t as voldmort coudl not kill Love in Harry potter—was one of their tactics. And while the UK and other countries played their undeniable part too, the threat from Russia has always been about more than politics. It’s about eroding our very identity and territorial integrity. What keeps us alive isn’t alliances or politics—it’s our collective memory of who we are.

And yet, what has kept Iran alive—as far as I understand-truly alive—is belief. Not belief in governments or systems, but in something greater. Mohammadali Jannatkhah once said that the soul of Iran endures because we are inherently God believers_ in common with the US Fundamental_ and our heritage and culture is keeping it alive in our hearts. Otherwise, what happened in 1357, would have left a communist country not a mixture of Mullah-communism-dictatorship using ira’s resources to created hatred toward what is left: Culture (unsuccessful cause their as dumb and bigoted as Voldmort), hatred toward Religion as the greatest power of individuals giants teh governmental exclusive power (Thanks to our ancestors that although they have burned most of thor heritage but stil their words and oems are in our heart and in our culture although most of Iran unfortunately are traumatic toward religion but am positive it’s just a phase and not killable)

Georgia’s Fight for Independence

I live in Georgia now, a country with its own history of forgetting and reme

 

Three years ago, during the pandemic, I had a conversation with my landlord’s husband. An upper-middle-class man with villas and comforts, he surprised me when he said he missed the old days—when everything was free: schools, hospitals, life itself. I was stunned. How could someone who lived through communism romanticize it?

And now, young Georgians are protesting in the streets. It’s almost mid-December, but the Christmas tree isn’t up because every night, there are protests. Girls and boys are risking their lives, their futures, for a chance to join Europe, because, of course, Russia. 

But here’s the question:  What makes the collective coem to this ollection that joining Europe brings them a free freedom? 

Ukraine’s situation makes it clear. Condolences flow easily; real help does not. These young Georgians believe Europe will give them freedom, but history shows that freedom doesn’t come from external powers.

 

True Independence

 Georgians are resilient, family-oriented, and fiercely independent at heart. What they need is to remember—remember the value of the freedoms they fought forduring teh past coupel of decades. Remember that true independence isn’t found in being member of somejwere but in simply having alliances.

Independence doesn’t mean cutting off international communication or retreating into solitude.becasue That’s the invader’s ultimate goal: to monopolize resources, minds, and energy, keeping people disconnected from the world. Real freedom is about finding harmony—not just within a nation, but with others—without losing your soul or sovereignty.

 

Do they have another choice? I mean, from where did this trade/off came from. eithere or that? I really don't know. I don't know really. I', just contemplating. I hope in 2025 we'll see the big picture. Iran's freedom will change the game, definately. 

What I knwo is that, forgetting, in this context, is dangerous. But remembering—staying awake to history, to values—is everything.

A True, Balanced Freedom

 

Look at what’s happening to Iran. The powers that be have isolated the nation, using sanctions and internal control as tools to cut off access to the world. They’ve tried to twist international investment policies in Georgia, too, creating a false narrative: stay independent by staying alone. But isolation isn’t safety. It’s a trap.

Freedom from the devil’s grip—without selling your soul—is no easy feat. The devil’s greatest trick is concealing what truly matters. It whispers that safety lies in closing doors, building walls, and staying small. But in truth, true freedom is expansive. It allows for connection without compromise.

To escape enslavement to forces like Russia, you don’t have to isolate yourself or your nation. The path isn’t about rejecting the world; it’s about engaging with it on your terms. Because cutting off from the world only enslaves other parts of yourself.

mbering. It survived communism, endured Russia’s invasions, and still fights to define its identity.

A Personal Commitment to Freedom

On a personal level, this is my hope: to stay true to my values. To remember, even when it’s hard. To hold onto what really matters and not let any invader—external or internal—take away my freedom.

Every day, I remind myself of my role: mind my own path. Not to give in to any force that seeks to limit or control me. And I wish the same for Mother Georgia and my country, Iran.

May we all walk our paths with clarity, courage, and true freedom.

So, whether it’s in a van with a stranger or a nation navigating its future, the lesson is the same: don’t forget. Pay attention to the red flags. Remember who you are. And trust that the fight for freedom—personal or collective—is always worth it.